she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
