You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
