i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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