im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize