is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
