just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
