do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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