he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
