i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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