thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
