mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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