we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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