College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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