I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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