so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
