god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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