my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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