i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Everything about him screamed your future.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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