i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
