After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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