She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
