i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
