and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
