there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
handjob tips. give me some.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
