Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
