why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
