So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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