All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
