I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
