god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
