as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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