I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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