I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You pole danced in your parka.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
