I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
