This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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