i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
