am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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