he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
