the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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