im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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