Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
