Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're so nebulous sometimes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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