I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
