U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
