So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dear god my vagina.
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