If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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