During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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