Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
