I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Everything about him screamed your future.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
