We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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