A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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