We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
