Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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