I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
