woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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