some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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