You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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