i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
