I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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