captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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