cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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