absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
