Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
