Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
