maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
