I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
