Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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