It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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