My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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