Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am spending my child support on dildos
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
