No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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