We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
