it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
